The Show is Short but it Lasts for Eternity

Was good.

BUT MORE EXCITED AFTER WATCHING THE LONE RANGER TRAILOR!

Woooo Native American Johnny.

Seriously, I need a full time job. This shit is REALLLY pissing me off. Nothing to do all day and then I have to obtain a migraine for 3 hours of my evening listening to ungrateful, rude, noisy children.

I just want to work 9-5 in an office =(

I have occasional mental urges, like the want to scream at people out of the passenger window whenever the car slows down and there is a pedestrian…or someone on a bike, that would be awesome. Just now, whilst in the process of dying my hair I found the notion of running around my flat and wiping my red head on all the white walls HILARIOUS. Need help? or embrace the mental?

I am equally happy and miserable in both my potential life paths. Neither one outweighs the other, apart from knowing I am better of on the one im walking right now. Yet there are things from each that I would crave and miss and wish for.

In`my current life, I have Leon, I am working, I have my own flat, I live in a city which is something I always yearned for. But I don’t have my parents and family, I don’t have friends close by, I don’t have the social life I used to.

If I wasn’t with Leon, I wouldn’t live here, my job wouldn’t be worth while, my NVQ would be stopped, and I would go back to living with my mum and dad. This would give me my family all the time, my pets, freedom to be with friends, a bigger social life. But I wouldn;t have the love of my life around me, or my independence and probably would go back to not having a job.

Living here with Leon will always be the option I favour. But I am so lonely and my job is such bollocks, and Im trapped there doing an NVQ I don’t want.

Maybe im just greedy, but I just can’t seem to find a way to bring a balance, to have all the things I miss often enough for me to be completely content.

I’m so stressed out at the moment from this jumble of emotions and crap, I nearly passed out at work yesterday, I had a mini melt down at Leon this morning. I got my friends at the weekend, and the weekend before I had my parents all to myself and every problem just melts away whilst im not here in my day to day routine. Then before I know it, it’s gone again, just like that and im back thinking up all these insane problems that just plague me constantly.

The worst thing about it? I have no one to share this bullshit with. Leon just doesn’t get it, I have no mates here or family I can just meet up with. I find myself just dealing with everything alone, which I would have loved once apon a time, but I grew up and realised I wasn’t a stone cold bitch and I rely on people.